Mom Thoughts, Part 4

So we survived the first year. And it has been quite a ride. Before I had Ellis, I worried about the early months, especially sleep deprivation and isolation during maternity leave in the winter time. Neither ended up being a problem. I learned how to avoid waking up completely during middle-of-the-night feedings, and Mike was vigilant about making sure I took naps.

As far as maternity leave, I was surprised that during the first month I liked being left alone. It was nice to just get comfortable with my new responsibilities and get to know Ellis. But when I was ready to get out, we had Mary and Maeve to help find outlets for fun. And then we added Ashley and Maisie as well as Karen and Bridget. My maternity leave was a wonderful change of pace and just what I needed to get focused on the things that matter.

When we decided to try to have a baby, I had a lot of reasons and expected any number of joys and problems. But as it turns out, I identified the problems much better that the up-side. Certainly, you can't fully anticipate the excitement of watching your child change on a daily basis or how much you will love that little critter, yadda yadda.

But the deal is, this whole thing feels like a gigantic high school-style crush. When I am at work, I start thinking and getting excited about seeing Ellis after lunch. On my walk home, I walk faster as I get close to home. When I go to happy hour or out with friends, I will be having a great time...but then there is a lull and I starting thinking about Ellis. My heart starts beating and I can't help but worry that she won't be awake when I get home. It is a total crush.

Every day since Mother's Day 2008 has been unbelievably exciting. On Mother's Day, she started interacting in a totally different way than she ever had before. Next thing we knew she was sitting up. Then she was crawling and getting teeth, pulling herself up and saying her first words.

I have said it before, but Ellis is a really sweet kid. She is still cuddly, even if she prefers being on the move. She loves books. Last night she spent an hour reading one book over and over. Today, she played quietly on her own for over an hour while I cooked dinner. And just as I did when I was little, when I yelled at the cats for trying to eat the flowers on the table, Ellis burst into tears (I cried when my teachers yelled at my classmates).

If I had known how amazing parenthood would be, I would have done things exactly the same way. We were clearly waiting for Ellis -- thank heavens we did.