Learning How to Parent a Shy Kid
You learn a lot from you kids. Sometimes what you learn is that you don't know as much as you thought you did. This weekend, we took Ellis to a soccer lesson designed for kids 2-5. She was excited until she saw all the new people; then her mood turned very sour and she was snapping at me. The fact that 3 of her friends were there did nothing to make her feel better. I did not appreciate the way she was acting or treating me, which was particularly tough considering how much I needed to be out of the house to avoid going stir crazy. Ellis' attitude was messing up my plans. I told her I was disappointed very sternly, had her sit off to the side and talked to some friends while I waited for her to warm up. It didn't happen. She ended up crying and embarrassed that she was crying. Then she agreed to go home to play alone without TV or treats for the rest of the day rather than stay.
Mike says he remembers feeling just like she did, which clearly makes him nervous because he doesn't want her to be as afraid of new people as he was. But what we learned is that, while we need to push her to try new things, we cannot punish her in front of people we then want her to interact with. I told her later that she needed to tell me she was bothering her so that I could help but that I had made a mistake too. I promised not to scold her in public again when I suspected she was feeling shy. She gave me a big, big hug and was thoroughly delightful for the rest of the day.
Next time, I will take her away from the prying eyes of all the new people (who I am sure she felt were staring at her the whole time) and away from the pressure to talk. Also, next time, we are going to get to soccer early so that she is one of the first kids there, can get to know the coaches and start to own to turf before the other kids arrive. Lesson learned.
On a happier note, Mike got a sidecar for his bike and picked Ellis up from daycare in it. Anders and I met them at the fountain for empanadas and frozen yogurt (or "ice cream," as Ellis calls it). I think you will agree that Ellis knows how to rock the side car. The kid looks cool.
Mike says he remembers feeling just like she did, which clearly makes him nervous because he doesn't want her to be as afraid of new people as he was. But what we learned is that, while we need to push her to try new things, we cannot punish her in front of people we then want her to interact with. I told her later that she needed to tell me she was bothering her so that I could help but that I had made a mistake too. I promised not to scold her in public again when I suspected she was feeling shy. She gave me a big, big hug and was thoroughly delightful for the rest of the day.
Next time, I will take her away from the prying eyes of all the new people (who I am sure she felt were staring at her the whole time) and away from the pressure to talk. Also, next time, we are going to get to soccer early so that she is one of the first kids there, can get to know the coaches and start to own to turf before the other kids arrive. Lesson learned.
On a happier note, Mike got a sidecar for his bike and picked Ellis up from daycare in it. Anders and I met them at the fountain for empanadas and frozen yogurt (or "ice cream," as Ellis calls it). I think you will agree that Ellis knows how to rock the side car. The kid looks cool.
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